walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
