I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
