I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
