franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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