everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
this hospital has no fireball
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
