theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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