does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
