we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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