I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
