I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
