Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
