I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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