I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
