i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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