you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
