Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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