Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
