Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
