i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
