She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
