My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
