I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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