i just had sex bonerless
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
