Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
