Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We need to get me chipped asap
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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