Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
