grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
