come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
do nipples grow back?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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