Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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