You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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