I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
