we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
