Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
soo... how was my night?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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