my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
