Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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