Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
