that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
