So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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