Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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