I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
