how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
