all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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