By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
