Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
