Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
