my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
