does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
50% drunk capacity currently
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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