he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
