where am i from again
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
third nipple confirmed
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
