So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
