I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
