That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
