All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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