Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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