im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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